Anyone who really knows me knows that I am without a doubt a perfectionist. I constantly feel pressure for everything to be perfect at all times. Whether it's as tiny as my locker being completely organized from the smallest book to the largest book, or the perfect outfit for a certain occasion, or just constantly trying to be prepared for anything and everything. It's a little bit of my OCD but a whole lot of my need for perfection. Throughout my walk with Christ this has been my struggle, trying to be perfect in an imperfect world with an imperfect body, mind, and spirit.
See, the problem is I feel that I have to be in a perfect standing with God to give Him praise or worship, or to be in any type of communication with Him. I feel the pressure to be a perfect child in order to receive love, forgiveness, grace or mercy, or any blessing. If I feel like I am anything less than perfect in my relationship with God, I slack off. I simply stop trying because if I don't feel perfect then I feel unworthy. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as lukewarm. You are either all in or you are all out. I refuse to become lukewarm in my relationship with Christ and because of this I'll stop all together. I don't want to be something I am not, I don't want to give off the impression that I have it all together when in reality I am falling apart. This has been reoccurring in my relationship with God because I want to be my best self for Him.
I am reminded of the story in Matthew 14:22-36, when Jesus called Peter out onto the water. Jesus didn't answer Peter's request by calling him to walk on the water with the notion that Peter already knew how to walk on the water. It took Peter stepping out, and Jesus simply saying, "Come." Come with your imperfection, come with your struggles, come with your pain, come to me and keep your eyes on me. Of course, when Peter saw the wind and the waves he became afraid and he took his eyes of Christ. Peter started to fall, he started to lose sight of Christ, but then Jesus reached out his hand in Peter's time of need. Then Jesus asked, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Why do we doubt that Jesus is in control? Why is it so easy for us to be overwhelmed by the waves of our insecurities and circumstances? Why is it so hard to stay focused on Christ?
I relate to this story because recently I have taken my eyes off Jesus. I have lost sight of his comfort and of his love. I took my eyes off of Him, and I fell into the waves of fear and distraction. I forgot my purpose but I also forgot Jesus' purpose. Jesus came for us who are not perfect, which is all of us, and He came to save us for that very reason. He doesn't want us to come to Him perfect, He wants us to simply come to Him.
So, here is my point: Don't lose sight of Christ. Keep your eyes on Him. Simply come.
There is no need for perfection because HIS perfect love makes us whole. His love covers all of our imperfections. We are not worthy, but He is!!
