Five Years Without You
To my hero,
In the past five years without you, I have experienced more pain and more joy than I could have ever imagined possible. In some ways it feels as if time has flown by, but in other ways it feels like it has been an eternity since you left us. I wanted to do something special to honor you today so I am writing you this letter.
I remember the day the Lord called you home, I remember walking down the hallway, hanging on to Pastor's side for dear life, and in that moment I felt as if time were in slow motion. I remember the tears running down my face and wondering if I would ever reach the end of that hallway. I knew that the worst was waiting for me and that my life was about to change forever. Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but in that room there was so much peace. Peace I had never felt before, but peace I would soon become familiar with.
Since you've been gone so much has changed. There is not one thing that is the same and I wish I could tell you all about it. God has done incredible things in my life and in the lives of other's around me. He has turned sorrow into joy, mourning into dancing, and dreams into plans. My life has certainly not turned out how I imagined it to, but God has done more good than I could have ever imagined He would. I don't know where I would begin if I tried to tell you all that He has done and that has changed so I'll leave it at this: the past five years without you have been the most challenging times of my life. I have grieved, I have grown up, and I have made mistakes, but God has taken my brokenness and transformed it into something beautiful. He has given me the best family I could have ever asked for. He has taken care of your girls in a way that only He could do. He has certainly not abandoned us in our time of need. God has done such a work in me in the past five years and it is mind blowing to me that I was once just a thirteen year old girl who lost her father. Today, I am so much more than that. I have grown up to be a woman of God, a hearer of His word, a learner of His love, and a servant of His kingdom. I can imagine that I have grown up to be everything you would have wanted me to be and I hope that I am making you proud.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. The hardest lesson I have learned is how to grieve and how to accept the process. Some days are easier than others, and on the other days I have to ask the Lord to help me. I never would have imagined that I would lose you, but over time I have realized that God's plan is greater than my own. I may never understand why He had to take you home when He did, but I know that He is in control.
But even with that knowledge I still miss everything about you. I miss your voice, your sarcastic tone, and your raspy laugh that would turn into a chuckle then even into a wheeze. I miss your touch, the feeling of your soft touch on my back when I was giving you a hug, your slight grip when I was holding your hand, and your gentle kiss on my cheek. I miss your writing, your words of encouragement, your words of wisdom, and your midweek rantings. I miss your preaching, the way you could captivate your audience, the way you allowed God to flow through you, and the way you got so excited while doing the very thing you loved to do. I miss our days together, getting drinks, holding hands, and sitting across from each other without saying a word.
I will forever hold every feature, quality, characteristic, and memory dear to my heart. You are the most incredible man to me and I will always be proud to call you my father.
Daddy, thank you for being my hero and my guardian angel. I miss you more than my words could ever explain and I love you more than life itself.
Love,
Madison
In the past five years without you, I have experienced more pain and more joy than I could have ever imagined possible. In some ways it feels as if time has flown by, but in other ways it feels like it has been an eternity since you left us. I wanted to do something special to honor you today so I am writing you this letter.
I remember the day the Lord called you home, I remember walking down the hallway, hanging on to Pastor's side for dear life, and in that moment I felt as if time were in slow motion. I remember the tears running down my face and wondering if I would ever reach the end of that hallway. I knew that the worst was waiting for me and that my life was about to change forever. Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but in that room there was so much peace. Peace I had never felt before, but peace I would soon become familiar with.
Since you've been gone so much has changed. There is not one thing that is the same and I wish I could tell you all about it. God has done incredible things in my life and in the lives of other's around me. He has turned sorrow into joy, mourning into dancing, and dreams into plans. My life has certainly not turned out how I imagined it to, but God has done more good than I could have ever imagined He would. I don't know where I would begin if I tried to tell you all that He has done and that has changed so I'll leave it at this: the past five years without you have been the most challenging times of my life. I have grieved, I have grown up, and I have made mistakes, but God has taken my brokenness and transformed it into something beautiful. He has given me the best family I could have ever asked for. He has taken care of your girls in a way that only He could do. He has certainly not abandoned us in our time of need. God has done such a work in me in the past five years and it is mind blowing to me that I was once just a thirteen year old girl who lost her father. Today, I am so much more than that. I have grown up to be a woman of God, a hearer of His word, a learner of His love, and a servant of His kingdom. I can imagine that I have grown up to be everything you would have wanted me to be and I hope that I am making you proud.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. The hardest lesson I have learned is how to grieve and how to accept the process. Some days are easier than others, and on the other days I have to ask the Lord to help me. I never would have imagined that I would lose you, but over time I have realized that God's plan is greater than my own. I may never understand why He had to take you home when He did, but I know that He is in control.
But even with that knowledge I still miss everything about you. I miss your voice, your sarcastic tone, and your raspy laugh that would turn into a chuckle then even into a wheeze. I miss your touch, the feeling of your soft touch on my back when I was giving you a hug, your slight grip when I was holding your hand, and your gentle kiss on my cheek. I miss your writing, your words of encouragement, your words of wisdom, and your midweek rantings. I miss your preaching, the way you could captivate your audience, the way you allowed God to flow through you, and the way you got so excited while doing the very thing you loved to do. I miss our days together, getting drinks, holding hands, and sitting across from each other without saying a word.
I will forever hold every feature, quality, characteristic, and memory dear to my heart. You are the most incredible man to me and I will always be proud to call you my father.
Daddy, thank you for being my hero and my guardian angel. I miss you more than my words could ever explain and I love you more than life itself.
Love,
Madison
Beautiful
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