Just Thinking Out Loud

It's been close to a year since I last published a blog post. I have been struggling to write for a while now. I find it difficult to write because it seems easier to believe the lies I tell myself than to believe the truth. Every time I sit down to write, I begin critiquing my writing and comparing myself to others. I convince myself that what I have to say isn't worth reading. People often say that comparison is the thief of joy and I have found this to be true. Comparison has kept me from doing the one thing I am certain that I am called to do. Writing has meant a lot to me for several years and it's about time I stop letting the enemy steal my joy.

I started my blog seven years ago, shortly after my father passed away. I wanted an outlet to express myself. When people discover that I have a blog they usually ask what I write about, in which I respond, "Whatever God tells me to." My blog (or writing in general) became more than an outlet for me; it became my connection to God.

Recently, I have been on a "journey" to find rest. This concept of rest is new to me. I have only discovered its importance this past semester in college. However, I have quickly realized that rest is essential to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I call my journey to find rest a journey because it is a challenge for me to identify what I need and even more of a challenge for me to decide what I need (if you know me, you know how true this is). I have been exploring different avenues of rest. Perhaps I find rest in nature, in serving others, or in spending time with a community of people. All of these things could bring me rest but I also want to feel a connection to God. Writing enables me to feel this connection to God while resting in Him. To describe this feeling I borrowed some words from my dad's blog:

"For me writing is therapeutic, it allows me to say what I'm thinking, erase it and start over, or leave it and live with it. It gives me permission to be creative and step outside of my own box...and I choose how safe I want to be or how fearless. In blogging one can find themselves, reveal themselves, and share themselves...you just need to determine what you want to be and how you want to be seen."

The name of my blog is Thinking Out Loud, which I also borrowed from my dad. My dad would publish blogs or share posts on Facebook and sign it, "just thinking out loud." This reminds me of why I love writing and why I started writing at a young age. I didn't start writing to gain recognition or to be the best, I started writing to express myself. The truth is my dad was right. There are no rules when it comes to writing. Writing is an art and you have all of the power. You decide what you want to say and how you want to say it. You decide how vulnerable, creative, and honest you want to be. You decide what stays and what goes. I guess this is why I feel connected to God when I write. There is freedom to be myself. I am free to express myself however I want; there's no right or wrong.

Just thinking out loud . . .